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Introduction

This piece was given to me, without any author's name, as a message from the law enforcement officer to those he or she loves. It explains some of the interpersonal relationship turmoil that goes on in the heart and mind of an officer who is loyal to the agency, the oath, the community and his or her loved ones.

-S.L.D.

To Those I Love,

          I became involved in emergency service work because there is a need for people to help others who are in trouble. However, at times there are calls to which I respond that are difficult to talk about - even with the person I love and trust most in the world.

                           

PLEASE ACCEPT THAT.

       

          At times there are experiences I suffer which hurt me very deeply, and I might bring my suffering home. Sometimes my feelings bother me so much I can't talk about them. Maybe it's because I don't want you to imagine what I've suffered, or maybe it's because I'm afraid you won't fully understand the depth of my feelings. During these times I might become moody or irritable, and I may not seem to care much about your feelings or problems.

                           

PLEASE ACCEPT THAT.

      

          You love me for who and what I am. I choose to do what I do because it is important to me and to those I help. Although it is sometimes very difficult and maybe even dangerous, I love doing what I do, and I do it well. In short, I'm proud of what I am, and I hope you are proud of me.

      

          There are times though, when I feel I didn't do enough. Many people depend upon me. There are also times I get frustrated and angry at my co-workers, myself, and the victims of tragedy. There are times the horrors I have to deal with just overwhelm me. That is when I have to sort things out by myself, or with others who were there with me.

                          

PLEASE ACCEPT THAT.

      

          So please, if I have a really bad call and just can't talk, it isn't because I don't love and care for you. It is not because I doubt your love and concern for me. I'm just not ready to open up. When this happens, try to understand - accept the fact I'm hurting - and I'll talk to you when I can.

I PROMISE.