Researchers have estimated that approximately 87 percent of all emergency service personnel will experience a critical incident—an extraordinary event that causes extraordinary stress reactions—at least once in their careers.¹ Such occurrences include, but are not limited to, line-of-duty deaths or serious injuries, officer-involved shootings, life-threatening assaults, deaths of children, deaths caused by officers, hostage situations, highly profiled media events, and multiple victim or mass casualty incidents. As a Wethersfield, Connecticut, police officer, I became part of this statistical prediction after surviving a violent, life-and-death struggle.²

THE PHYSICAL BATTLE

     On November 19, 1982, while on patrol, I received a broadcast of an armed robbery that had just occurred in a nearby town. Shortly afterwards, I spotted the suspect and vehicle described in the broadcast and pursued it for several miles. The suspect stopped and abandoned his vehicle in an apartment complex; however, the vehicle continued to roll forward striking and seriously injuring a child. After a foot chase, I captured the suspect. As I attempted to handcuff him, a violent struggle ensued.

The suspect managed to gain control of my holstered service weapon. As I fought for the gun, he shot me in the leg. Exhausted and in fear of my life, I managed to regain control of my weapon and fatally shoot the suspect once in the chest as he again tried to attack me.

I had been a member of the department for 2 ° years and had just survived the ultimate test as a police officer, or so I thought. I soon realized, however, that the ultimate test would be to survive the psychological battle that had just begun.

THE PSYCHOLOGICAL BATTLE

     I was apprehensive as to what would happen next. The department did not have a written post-shooting policy or procedure at that time, so for me, it became a live-and-learn experience. Over the next week, my emotional feelings began to break through. I was fearful that the victim’s relatives or friends would retaliate against my family and me. I became angry when the media sensationally labeled the shooting racially controversial, and I was not allowed to publicly defend their embellished, untrue accounts of the incident.

     As the investigations began, the emotional pressure increased. I became anxious for a quick and favorable conclusion. As the weeks dragged on, the victim’s estate named me in a civil action seeking punitive damages. My doubts began to intensify. I replayed the shooting over and over in my mind, questioning if I could have done anything differently and wondering why this had happened to me.

     I felt alone, coming from a department in which no one had been involved in a shooting situation resulting in someone’s death. No one really knew what I was feeling, so I began to isolate my emotions.

Lack of Pre-Incident Academy Training

     The extraordinary stress that followed was known then as post-shooting trauma, an aspect of policing I was never trained for. Twenty years ago, the police academy training covered most aspects of law enforcement and prepared me for physical survival. However, it ignored the psychological aspects of the profession. The term, critical incident stress, had not been conceived. As defined by recent standards, I had suffered three critical incidents as a result of the confrontation: a life-threatening assault, an officer-involved shooting that resulted in death, and a highly profiled media event.

Perceptions of the Mental Health Profession

     The day of the incident, my department offered me the services of a mental health professional. That produced my initial denial: not me, I didn’t need help. After all, the use of deadly force comes with the territory. I felt that seeing a “shrink” would stereotype me as weak or crazy. Instead, I began to search for a trusted peer who I could relate to, someone who could understand what I was going through. However, my search for a police officer/counselor who also had used deadly force proved fruitless.

     Approximately 2 weeks after the incident and not knowing where else to turn, I went to a psychotherapist who worked independently with the Connecticut State Police and had counseled other officers involved in shootings. With this decision, my stress became compounded by my immature, shallow fears regarding trust and, more important, my insecurities of what my family, friends, and peers would think of me.

     After a few visits, I developed trust and confidence in the counselor. I began to accept, in my own mind, the needed counseling and stress management. Still, I felt ashamed and would make excuses to everyone who knew I was receiving professional help. I blamed my department for sending me and told everyone that I was okay.

Impact of Counseling

     Through counseling, I learned that the emotional feelings that I experienced were “common” for someone involved in the use of deadly force. In time, I was able to accept my feelings as normal and openly talk to others about the help I received. Surprisingly, my family, friends, and coworkers supported me.

Legal Outcomes

     Two months after the incident, all of the investigations, including the most extensive one ever conducted by the State Attorney’s office, concluded that the shooting was justified and in self-defense. After a 4-week trial, I was exonerated in my last-resort decision to use deadly force by a jury that cleared me of any civil wrongdoing. Six years after the incident, the legal process finally ended.

THE RESOLUTION

     Following my 6-year ordeal, I became an advocate of the mental health profession. I discovered that early 1980s research found that 70 percent of officers involved in the use of deadly force who did not receive professional help left the job within 5 years, compounded by personal and job-related stress.³ I wondered what, if anything, I could do to change this.

Understanding the Police Personality

     The police personality stands as a major stumbling block in understanding why counseling has been slow to evolve. Police officers surround themselves in “image armor” and perceive the expression of emotion as a weakness. They are themselves suspicious people, and many find it hard to trust and confide in others, so they isolate their feelings. This isolation leads to negative insulation that, in turn, leads directly to sick leave abuse, aggressive behavior, job loss, and high rates of divorce, suicide, and substance abuse.⁴ Because critical incident stress manifests itself physically, cognitively, and emotionally, officers might experience some or all of these reactions immediately, or perhaps not until after a delay. While in most instances the symptoms will subside in a matter of weeks, a few of those affected by such stress will suffer permanent emotional trauma that adversely will affect their continued value to the department and cause serious problems in their personal lives.⁵ Although the increased involvement of the “stigmatized” mental health profession to the law enforcement community has been slow to evolve, the fact remains that it is being accepted. Supported by articles on police stress, critical incident stress, post-shooting trauma, and peer support programs published since the late 1980s, the mental health community’s commitment constitutes an important proactive concept in modern-day policing.

Creating Support

     To resolve my own experiences and to help others who have endured the psychological battle of using deadly force, I created a Critical Incident Stress Management/Post-Shooting Trauma program to address psychological survival at the recruit level. I received training and became a member of a peer support team. I obtained a master’s degree in counseling, and for the past 11 years, I have instructed at various police academies and recertification classes throughout the state of Connecticut, thus filling the void that I encountered during my critical incident.

     In May 2000, I retired from the police department after 20 years of service. Now, as the program manager at an employee assistance provider that targets emergency service personnel, I am a member of the incident response team trained in crisis diffusing and debriefing techniques. I facilitate an incident support group for public safety personnel involved in critical incidents and help officers throughout the country deal with shooting aftermaths.

     On a monthly basis, the group meets in an informal and confidential atmosphere that brings together members of the law enforcement community who have a common bond. It is not group therapy; however, information shared at the meeting is educational and may have therapeutic value. Members of the group direct the topics for discussion, and individual participation is optional. It represents an exceptional opportunity for members to share their experiences with each other unlike any other method that I have encountered.

     One of the most important objectives of the group involves helping other officers who become involved in a critical incident. Their experiences are an invaluable tool to support other officers when dealing with the first few days and weeks following an event. By helping another officer, they help themselves. This supports the idea that “when public safety personnel have the opportunity to process a critical incident properly, they can integrate the experience into their lives in a way that is manageable and mitigate the long-term potential for post-traumatic stress.”⁶

CONCLUSION

     Over the past 20 years, I have seen the success of employee assistance programs and the mental health profession working together with all levels of the law enforcement community. The commitment to provide these services not only benefits the involved officers but also their families, their departments, and the communities they serve.

     It is not a pleasant experience to suffer from critical incident stress. No one can predict how powerful an incident will be or how it will affect them. While it took strength, courage, and the will to live to survive my physical battle, it took far more moral fortitude and emotional resolve to survive the aftermath. If anything could be construed as brave or heroic as a result of my incident, it would be that I broke through the “image armor” and triumphed over tragedy by honestly confronting and resolving my psychological battle, the ultimate test.

Endnotes

     ¹ T. Pierson, “Critical Incident Stress: A Serious Law Enforcement Problem,” Police Chief, February 1989, 32-33.

     ² For additional information, contact the author at the toll free number (888) 327-1060.

     ³ M. Ayoob, “The Killing Experience,” Police Product News, July 1980.

     ⁴ R. Conroy, “Critical Incident Stress Debriefing,” FBI Law Enforcement Bulletin, February 1990, 20-22.

     ⁵ A. Kureczka, Public Safety EAP, UPDATE Newsletter (North Haven, CT, 2000).

     ⁶ T. Hodges, Public Safety EAP, UPDATE Newsletter (North Haven, CT, 2001).