How can I become more balanced while avoiding becoming a "sell-out" in the process?

Q. "You talk about getting along with people who believe, think and act differently than me or others in the church. I tend to think of that as “selling out,” but I’ve read enough of your writings to know you’re not a sellout.  How will I know when we’ve reached the balance that we need, where we’re functioning like we should as a body?" 

A. You’re right. No one who knows me has EVER accused me of being a sellout! Somewhere along the line, I picked up this list, which I may have copied down wrong, and definitely edited here and there.  

Six Ingredients to a Win-Win relationship: 

1) Mutual respect. You and your people must respect each other for his or her faith, strengths, experiences, wisdom, culture, insights and abilities. 

2) Openness There must be the freedom and the commitment to be completely open and honest with each other, no hidden agendas, no false faces. With people of other races, don’t pretend that you “didn’t realize” or “forgot” they were that color! In any group I’m in I talk freely of my feelings, beliefs, etc and bring out, that of course, I’m a middle aged white guy, so they have to take that into consideration! But they know I’m real with them. 

3) Trust – You have to be trustworthy and be able to give absolute trust. Each person (especially your core leaders) MUST be trustworthy and never knowingly do anything to undermine the church, the ministry, or any other person in any way, shape or form. 

4) Mutual benefit - Each must benefit from the association with the other. Each contributes something or brings something to the table that the other can't provide for himself or herself. Maybe you have contacts with local government, or in the business community. They may have skills that you need or open doors in areas where you don’t have free access.  

5) Commitment and Loyalty – These must work both ways. Each is totally loyal and committed to the other and to the relationship, with no doubts on either side. You KNOW your people would never intentionally speak ill of you or do your ministry or church any harm at all. And, THEY must know that you would never cast them in a bad light, or make disparaging remarks about any of them to anyone.  

6) Likeability – It starts with leadership. And the Pastor sets the pace. You need to be approachable, pleasant, interested, and not act like a cool, detached “professional,” always glancing at your watch when they are talking. Your leaders need to be the same way, with hearts for the people and hearts for you.

You and your leaders need to openly like and enjoy being together. Without liking each other and enjoying being together, no relationship can last very long or be productive.  

Also, you and your leaders need to clearly demonstrate the high regard and affection they have for the people. In public, all of you need to mention often what a wonderful bunch of people your church is, and how much you all enjoy each other and love being together. 

As you develop in these areas (which won’t happen in 6 months) you’ll experience the joy of the Lord and growth that comes from a healthy and vibrant group of people He is blessing.

Copyright Steven L. Davis  www.SteveDavis.org